Taking into account the recent happenings around the big blue ball, bringing the truth to the eyes of the people is a difficult task. We’re about to finish 2016 and we’ve already heard a lot of nattering nonsense, the latest being The Best Reality Show Ever: the US Presidential Elections.
It all started with the death of our Lord and savior, Harambe. People say that Harambe is overrated and merely a momentous manifestation of melodramatic memes. But since he did pay for our sins, shouldn’t he be considered close to Jesus? Ever since that fateful afternoon of May 28th, the Illuminati sprung into action to spread the word about the deeds of our brave hero.
In other news, the adorable Kim Jong Un, who was just hungry, yelled “LUNCH!” but unfortunately, his assistant misheard “launch” which later led to an accidental nuclear-bomb test. Kimmy immediately regretted his words, but the bomb turned out to be awesome, so he was satisfied. 2016 was also the year of the election of the POTUS, and boy, oh boy has it been a roller coaster ride! Instead of Brilliant Bernie, we got Hacked Hillary from the Democrats and Donald Duck instead of Texan Ted from the Republicans. For the first time in history, both sides were equally matched, mentally, that is, but let’s put that topic aside for a moment. Samsung, the Korean tech giant launched their phone- the Galaxy Note 7. It featured Fandroid 7.0 and a huge display of 6 inches with an all metal and glass design. And it made an explosive entry in the smartphone market. It was so explosive that it got banned (guess some designs are just too hot to handle, eh?). Later, Crapple revealed their new DankPhone 7, which is mostly equivalent to the new POTUS too: all show but no use.
It was the 9th of November when Facebook posts, Snapchat stories and tweets flooded the cyberspace. Everyone but Chanakya the fish, predicted that Hacked Hillary would win this battle easily, but Donald Duck turned out to be the surprise winner. In his acceptance speech, he promised two things:1. Orange spray tan with white eye-shadow to be the newest trend and 2. The blondes will have a role model. He also promised the peoples of America that for the very talented artists of America, he will build a yuuuge, yuuuge wall on the Southern border of the country for them to paint, draw and doodle their feelings on. It will also improve foreign relations as Mexico will have the other side of the wall to draw on. The people of the United States might not be happy, but his besties sure are. Who are they? Vladimir Putin and Narendra Modi. They were quoted saying that they were very happy that their orange American won and that they were more than willing to start a love triangle of trade.
Now, news straight from the homeland: 500 and 1000 rupee currency notes have been banned in India because Narendra Modi is greedy. Earlier, in case of a visit from mitron, bhaiyon, behnon or some distant relative with conflicting political views, the default contents of the customary festive-looking lifafa used to be a 500 rupee note or (on a good day) a 1000 one. But when Narendra decided on buying the DankPhone 7, he needed more money, therefore he introduced 2000 rupee currency notes so that every time relatives would come to his house, by way convenience, he would get double the money. So Yuge Donald Duck, Vladdy Putin and Modi are the leaders that rule the world right now. They are three in number. A triangle has 3 sides. OHMYGOD.